Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Hanging in There

Life hasn't been a lot of fun in recent weeks and so I haven't posted much. Tom's still having scary episodes. Tomorrow he goes in for yet another round with the surgeon. It looked for awhile like the stricture repair had done the trick and they would finish up this week but last weekend he was worse than he let on. By Sunday evening he was doing very poorly indeed. Its now become clear he'll have to have another stricture dealt with. Hard to say what this will mean to the next step. I've sought prayer support again, though by now I feel like a pest. Wish I could offer better news in return for their kindness.

In other depressing developments, I watched another person go 'over the line' who I had hoped would be a real friend again once certain truths finally surfaced. Guess it was inevitable that wanting to please another crowd, she hid even to herself the seriousness of her choices. Given our suspicions re: her & some stupidity directed at our daughter, its just as well to have finally ended it ~ though I left the door open for reconciliation. I'd be amazed if she walked through it.

I really am tired of 'understanding' cheap shots by easily (self?) deluded people. Its been an irritating thing to us to realize how many times we have received evil for good and been called evil on behalf of a person whose choices have been far worse & less kind than ours. Bluntly, we've several times been called evil BY evil ~ while trying to do good. Sometimes while trying to do that very person good. I'll never forget the time we discovered we were being slandered by a guy who had asked for & received groceries & housekeeping help that very week...and he went around telling others how much we owed HIM! Then there's the old lady who so often asked for help and always got it..until the day we heard what she'd been saying to others, which came out about the time she tried to turn the newest neighbors against us. (She admitted to that part. Threw it in our face.) Her excuse came from even worse slanders this neighborhood has indulged in for decades about my husband's family. She ought to know better. She ought to have defended Tom at least, but no. It was convenient excuse to use & abuse & not worry about her ingratitude. btw She also thinks she's better Christian than we are (because she keeps a pretty yard?) I think she's in for a bit of a shock. Lets hope she can stand to repent before its too late.

I am so tired of the lies that have been directed against us. You know, I've tried to defend others I knew were being falsely accused. Jesus, when is it my turn? When do I get keep real friends for being one? This whole scene has gotten very old. Its helpful to hear we will eventually be vindicated & even rewarded for things like this, these 'wounds' we share with Jesus. Sure could use some encouragement right now though. Unhappily, those I might reasonably look to right now for comfort are busy with trials of their own. C'est la vie. Glad I moved in other directions, though I havent left even that one group entirely. I am still waiting on God's promises where I was told to wait.

Tom always says that there must be something spiritual gained for all we've gone through & are still dealing with. He figures we're either being prepared for something bigger or we're acting as shields for other servants of God...or both. (Heck, even demons can't be everywhere at once.) I've wondered if we haven't been more effective than we suppose even where we are, at least some of the time? Maybe we have encouraged when it mattered, even influenced some people for lasting good. Maybe we've already planted some good seeds that will fully bloom one day. Maybe some of the 'pharisees' we've known will have the grace to take a good hard look at their choices & choose another path. I hope so. We'll know one day. Right now all I can do is take one day at a time & try to place ever more of my life on the altar, so that all the enemy intends for my harm, God will use for my good. I believe He will. We will yet see blessing, as we currently see further purification. I just wish. I still wish that we could be a bigger blessing to others too. Until our vindication comes along with the overthrow of some established lies, much of the good we've tried to do seems largely undermined.

There have been a few blessings of note. Several freebies have turned up of the utterly cool variety, like a learner edition of Maya. & Rand Miller has given some thought-provoking interviews lately. The best news, imo, is that he hasn't given up. He still has good plans.

and, at home Our daughter made the most amazing fractal. It looks like a bishop's hat made of angels. I'm not a Roman Catholic but I've always admired, even been fond of, Pope John Paul II. Like so many others I was sorry to see him go home. Sorry for us really. That faithful servant has much more to look forward to than most of us. New guy sounds pretty good though. Chris' excellent links got us chuckling over the media reaction to ~ horrors! ~ a CHRISTIAN being elected as Pope. lol All their talk is about hate too, even though they show their own in the process. And like most good Christians, it seems Ratzinger is about peace & the love of Christ. His 'strong words' were just what people should expect from a loving shepherd who would appreciate it very much if those who call themselves God's flock would cease running pell-mell over the cliff of 'relativitism' into the sea of agnostic despair.

We've been reading about the Malachy prophecies & other predections too since Benedict XVI was chosen ..but thats another post.