With Virtual Eyes, I See You

This is a Catholic article about treating online time & online relationships well ~ and its well worth the time to read & reflect on it. I have to say it agrees with my own findings over the years. I went fully online for the first time in the summer of 2000 (our BBS time doesn't really count, as it was too cranky to do more than turn in papers and play a few games). I arrived online after several years of relative solitude, freshly released from health worries for my family for a season, and with a full understanding that those I spoke to online were real human beings with real lives, problems, and feelings. This was strengthened by the intense closeness of the community I first joined, but the affectionate relationships I developed were the silver lining to what was becoming a pretty serious storm cloud. My husband eventually equated the situation to having a vacation in a demiletarized zone! I had gone to hang out and have fun with like-minded people, but it was a community under attack by ambitious, manipulative people, and several saw me as competition. (What can I say? My personality is rather good-sized too. :) Others came in believing they were under some religious obligation to attack anything that smelt of clean fun... yes, really.

A number of those I encountered had already had their sensibilities blunted by the limitations of online discourse. Now some of the most manipulative were already that way in real life ~ in other words, the medium had not made an appreciable difference in their message, but for many of the youngsters - oh, it made ALL the difference. They saw life through the eyes of public school and cartoon/avatar images in their imaginations. They couldn't "see" me. A friend actually made an online personality to try and open the eyes of the 'virtually blind.' I am not sure it worked for more than a few, but I always respected that valiant effort.

Being mean to people you can't see is all too easy for the childish and cowardly. Now understand that anyone can feel petty or childish on their worst days and add that to the incredible amount of misunderstandings available in rapidly TYPED messages (where one poor turn of phrase can start a feud) and its easy to see why so many online relationships sour if they have no offline, in person, physical reinforcement.

Don't think Christian-based communities are immune to this. All the Redeemed are on a different part of our journey with Jesus. Its also helpful to remember that there are a wide variety of churches out there, and many are very worldly in outlook. Its quite a downer to meet someone who believes they are irrevocably saved by their denomination's specific doctrine (which makes them 'more' saved than you ) and therefore 'fireproof' against God's requirements ...and subsequent corrections for disobedience. This is the type that usually doesn't think reading scripture & praying daily is all that important, and that, in any case, all that bad stuff that can happen is only judgment when it happens to someone else!

I will probably always remember the twit who claimed that the "loving your neighbor" didn't apply online because of the physical distances. I am REAL sure our 'neighbor,' in the Godly sense, is anyone we encounter in ANY MANNER (after all, none of the people who ignored the injured man in the Good Samaritan parable were said to be natural, next-door neighbors - and the Samaritan was a foreigner!) ...but be aware, there are self-professed 'Christians' who hold this other view. I can guarantee you that anyone who doesn't feel any obligation toward ethics or manners in online encounters is a problem for the entire community they join, not just you.

There are other pitfalls too. I understood that some of the folks that became strongly attached to the community were needing replacements for Real Life lacks. I love most people, and most people love to be loved, but the particularly needy can be hard to satisfy. It takes time to know that is what you are up against. Its hard to stop spending much time with these folks if you care, because they can get hurt so very easily, and because it feels so virtuous to be reaching out to those who seem to need your time and affection so very much, but it IS a trap...one that can swallow your life whole until you climb back out of it. I have already been down that road in real life, and spent much of my time with those I recognized as being in that category evangelizing (sometimes more than I was comfortable with) because I knew they need Jesus a lot more than they need me. They can hang on to Him for dear life here and hereafter and He'll never mind a bit, the Holy Spirit never has to shift His attention away (God is the ultimate multitasker), and will never disappoint their hunger for HUGE amounts of unconditional love. (His JUSTICE requires good behaviour out of us, but His LOVE never has been bounded and never will. He hates sin but not us. That's why there is so much mercy available to free us from our sins!) God is the only one who can do all they desire. God is the only one who can heal these deep aching needs and be with them everywhere, everywhen.

Others I met needed only a friend, but still needed Jesus to fix their self-loathing, cowardice, depression, and other ills. I tried not to push my faith at them, but sooner or later I was bound to briefly mention (as an option) the Answer I believe in with all my heart, soul, and life, ~ and that's bad enough for some. Mentioning the Blessed Hope made me a better target ~ but then, doesn't it always? If you love those you encounter enough to truly try to help them, I guarantee you will be a target too.

I ended up spending so much time trying to counsel those I found and cared about that I began to lose ground in my home. I had to back off in order to keep my family first, and I did, but I don't think it was ever really accepted that I was truly too busy to continue putting in hour after hour, visiting and comforting, day after day.

Backing off made it easier for the hostile-minded to turn more kiddos from me and what comfort I still had time to offer, since I wasn't doing so much for them anymore. I kept getting words from everyone who knew me that my time of intense involvement wouldn't last, and was essentially allowed by God as a learning experience - even when I was enjoying my time there the most. That helped, but I can't honestly say I have wanted to repeat those times so I have wondered what the lesson was preparation for, if you know what I mean.

...and all this was WITHOUT Orcut...Facebook...Myspace...Yahoo 360....Twitter... or even Blogger, whose restraint in formatting I appreciate ever more as time goes on. I don't mind sharing little essays when I have something to say, but I really don't want a page that recreates that sense of demand on my time I felt back in my early internet days.

I mention all this for those who read this and may be debating proper limits in an involving community setting. These community pages (Facebook, Orcut, and the like) are meant to organize and make easier to manage what I had going ~ sharing photos, chats, private messages etc ~ all on one page. That also means its MUCH easier for a Newbie to get sucked in to that whole online-centric lifestyle just by adding a few interest groups. Its easy to get overwhelmed by responses when you are recognized by a highly interactive group as a productive/valued member.

So what is the bottomline? I recommend caution now in making online friendships (and it saddens me to say that.) Those that you are sure you'd like to know better - well, pray a lot first, and give it a little time. Let the initial charm wear off a little bit. Keep in mind that online friendships need to be reinforced in real world terms to have any hope of being lasting. Use what options are available to you - visits, cards, phone calls, teamspeak, personal meetings... This helps determine who was being real with you online, though you will still have to be wary of the seasoned manipulators. I also recommend deliberately limiting how many hours you consider 'available' - using a timer or planned 'openings' in your personal schedule - and with your family understanding that they come first in any conflict of interest. I am in a lot of places these days, but am much harder to 'catch' ~ and that seems to be the right answer for me and mine right now.

Cute as a Speckled Pup....

He's getting more speckled-y all the time too ;)

Meet our new pup, cute as a button but full of mischief - yips, nips, chews, and cat chases. Jack is allegedly half chihuahua, half terrier (His dad is definitely half terrier-half Chihuahua, but we think his mom is really a Chiweeenie.) He's a fun pup, but definitely more of a challenge than you'd think when he enthusiastically licks your face and snuggles up to you. We will have to watch him around strangers, as he definitely will bite, especially when very excited. Mind you, right now that is not a big deal, with his little puppy teeth - and we're working with him, so hopefully we'll have him well socialized before too long!



We weren't honestly planning on getting a dog. Came about like this - a longtime fiend of DH kept bringing up his wish to give us a puppy when his Chiweenie grew up, as he was sad we didn't have one anymore. DH hubby said sure, that'd be great, knowing said friend was really wanting to offer an olive branch - and was letting him know he understood that. Its a Christian thing. We really should allow people to apologize and make amends when they sincerely want to do that. We were sure that is how Tom's friend meant it. We were also aware that it was going to be a long time before such a promise could be kept - who knew if she would even have puppies? She was a nice dog, and our friend was expressing a nice sentiment. That was the end of it for a long time - and then we get the news in late winter that she was expecting so we would soon have a puppy! (This was a surprise in two ways. Known him for over 20 years and I believe this is the longest this friend has ever remembered a promise. He keeps them when he remembers them, its just that his memory hasn't usually been this good.) Whee! Four pups were born, but the littlest one didn't make it. All three survivors were cute little males. A few weeks later we were asked to come and pick one. We chose the friendliest, which happened to be the biggest, while stressing that he didn't really have to do this...it was okay if he had other friends who wanted one.... etc. We spent some time praying about it, but decided to leave it in God's hands rather than reject the well-meant gift. I think my last prayer was, if you really want us to have this puppy, then let our friend give the pup to us directly. He showed up a week or three later (we usually go see HIM!) and handed the little guy over.

So now we have a companion while we work in the gardens, a little one making mornings come way too early. lol On the whole we like Jack very much. Even the cats like him, when he isn't too much in their faces. Usually he enjoys chasing them a small way, and then backs up when they turn around. Occasionally L & K chase Jack! LOL

Happy Easter!

Our Easter was quite nice :) Nice weather to cook a lamb roast by... We didn't get much chocolate or do baskets, but the kids did a few eggs as you can see. We spent a lot of the time thanking Christ for His sacrifice and for the many blessings He brings into our lives. Thank you, Jesus!

Spring Sights

~Above All ~ we should remember this Good Friday

another gem passed along by Aardvark (Thanks! :)

March ~ local road trip

This was in March, when the clover was indeed just beginning to peek its cheerful way through area lawns...

I feel it shows the parkway & bridge area nicely in early spring. Becka took these pics while I drove. If all continues to go well, soon I'll be taking some pics heh heh heh

Keeping Your Monitor Clean

from Aardvark::

Everyone knows about the need for running an anti-spyware, anti-virus, and even an external cleaning periodically (you know the spray air cans, etc.) You can carefully clean the outside surface of your monitor of dust, fingerprints, and such.

Well how are you supposed to clean the inside of your computer screen?

Here's how. It's free and you can do it as often as you notice any smears or smudges that don't seem to be on the outside:

Creative Freedom

"Everyone is a genius... But if you judge a fish on it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid" -Albert Einstein



I started off thinking that if you watch the video you will have plenty of food for thought without hearing much from me. ..but then I started writing..and found I had plenty to say.

Its an odd thing, but I just haven't felt like /talking/ lately, at least not outside the house where we ponder many serious things on a regular basis. There's plenty going on, politically & personally. The news is full of fascinatingly horrible announcements, and there is more that most major news services WON"T announce that concern MANY people like the possible effects of bills like H.R. 875/ S.425, NAIS, Codex Alimentarius which some claim will ban our freedom to use herbs & vitamins, & CPSIA which has indeed impacted the poor and a number of businesses. Worse it has caused many thrifts, charities, and even libraries to get rid of many decent children's items & even older books to reduce their liability - (& people have tried in their dozens to alert the news services so its definitely a choice.) -and then they wonder why people aren't as supportive of the commercial news outlets as they used to be :P Instead we get news stories that report (truthfully enough) that many people are not all that happy with what is being tried in Washington to fix our economy. Seriously - MANY small businesses are in danger of being negatively impacted by all the above legislation, and with the comparatively low ceiling Obama is suggesting for raising taxes into the bargain (I have been told by several who would know that all income from a small business, no matter how many people & supplies have to be paid out of it can qualify as personal taxable income in a number of circumstances) and its no dang wonder people aren't 'hopeful' about what it being tried! People feel like big banks & biz are getting bailouts and the little guys are in danger of being squeezed even worse all over the place!

OH, and have you heard that small business is supposed to be the big hope for turning our economy around? You can check the links out above, if you feel like learning more about these issues. Don't expect to hear much about it on t.v.

Maybe the news services are too scared to really cover these issues - I didn't think that was possible, given how large most of those are, but look at THIS story.



In the end, we find the only confidence we have is in God - so we pray and move on. You can only do so much with being 'aware.' We need heaven's favor, for certain! I have wondered if being concerned about 'the big picture' was affecting my desire to chatter. Maybe, but I don't know that this is the reason. I feel at peace within myself - and usually I like to share that feeling.

On the home front - we've got new pictures I keep meaning to share, we're gearing up for spring outside, I've learned a new craft, we've got a new pet..yadda yadda yadda... I just haven't felt like blogging about it - or even telling my groups. Maybe its the weather, which has been rainy enough, certainly, but as the temps have been moderate most of the time, it shouldn't be affecting me that much. Actually I don't feel down. I just don't feel chatty. Been lurking everywhere, but mostly enjoying myself in a low key way. Planned to put up a St Patrick's Day remembrance but didn't even do that. *shrugs* At least I sent cards...

Maybe this video about creative freedom & teaching - which is way too good NOT to share - has finally gotten me moving. Time will tell.

Happy Valentine's Day2 U

Its not a major holiday, but its nice to remember those we remember fondly on this spring-weather day. Had a lovely meal out with hubby. Mom received a pretty pendant and a bouquet for the table from us all. We're sharing a strawberry cake and rejoicing in our love for one another. Not everyone has a family that truly cares for each other the way we do. Its worth remembrance! Praying your Valentine's Day is equally blessed.

You might like to check out the Valentine ecard Becka made. Its on her blog :)

belated holday pics

Meant to share this MUCH earlier... still...better late than never. Kids had a pretty good Christmas. Relatives all sent money to them. Becka used most of hers to get little presents for the rest of us. William used most of his to buy an ipod. Our toys to him tended to be more traditional - ran across a shop with old tin toys. He loved them, though the Wii Nerf Blast game from my biological father was the biggest hit of the day. He's won it already! As for the rest of us, we mostly got each other ...books You'd never have guessed, right? LOL Well, Becka got some 'pretties' too. Didn't take many pictures, but here's a few for you.



William did a GREAT job on the gingerbread house this year!

Psych test

I got the "Counselor" rating

Counselors have an exceptionally strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others, and find great personal fulfillment interacting with people, nurturing their personal development, guiding them to realize their human potential. Although they are happy working at jobs (such as writing) that require solitude and close attention, Counselors do quite well with individuals or groups of people, provided that the personal interactions are not superficial, and that they find some quiet, private time every now and then to recharge their batteries. Counselors are both kind and positive in their handling of others; they are great listeners and seem naturally interested in helping people with their personal problems. Not usually visible leaders, Counselors prefer to work intensely with those close to them, especially on a one-to-one basis, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes.

aandd.. a really long page of insights that seemed pretty much correct

Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging

Beneath the quiet exterior, INFJs hold deep convictions about the weightier matters of life. Those who are activists -- INFJs gravitate toward such a role -- are there for the cause, not for personal glory or political power.

INFJs are champions of the oppressed and downtrodden. They often are found in the wake of an emergency, rescuing those who are in acute distress. INFJs may fantasize about getting revenge on those who victimize the defenseless. The concept of 'poetic justice' is appealing to the INFJ.

"There's something rotten in Denmark." Accurately suspicious about others' motives, INFJs are not easily led. These are the people that you can rarely fool any of the time. Though affable and sympathetic to most, INFJs are selective about their friends. Such a friendship is a symbiotic bond that transcends mere words.

INFJs have a knack for fluency in language and facility in communication. In addition, nonverbal sensitivity enables the INFJ to know and be known by others intimately.

Writing, counseling, public service and even politics are areas where INFJs frequently find their niche.

Famous INFJs:

Nathan, prophet of Israel
Aristophanes
Chaucer
Goethe
Robert Burns, Scottish poet
Nathaniel Hawthorne
Fanny Crosby, (blind) hymnist
Mother Teresa of Calcutta
Fred McMurray (My Three Sons)
Shirley Temple Black, child actor, ambassador
Martin Luther King, Jr., civil rights leader, martyr
James Reston, newspaper reporter
Shirley McClain (Sweet Charity, ...)
Piers Anthony, author ("Xanth" series)
Michael Landon (Little House on the Prairie)
Tom Selleck
John Katz, critic, author
Paul Stookey (Peter, Paul and Mary)
U. S. Senator Carol Moseley-Braun (D-IL)
Billy Crystal
Garry Trudeau (Doonesbury)
Nelson Mandela
Mel Gibson
Carrie Fisher
Nicole Kidman
Jerry Seinfeld
Jamie Foxx
Sela Ward
Mark Harmon
Gary Dourdan
Marg Helgaberger
Evangeline Lilly
Tori May


Cool!


Feel free to try it yourself :))

Crazy Law!

Just got this alert from one of my homeschool groups::

"For those of you who haven’t heard the news yet, on February 10, 2009, the Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act comes into effect. One of the major changes that this program will bring into play is a mandate that everything sold for children 12 and younger will have to be tested for lead and phthalates, and anything that isn’t tested (or that fails) will be considered hazardous and cannot be sold. Read more about the CPSIA at the L.A. Times and some interesting blog commentary from the fashion industry.

For new products, this isn’t an issue at all and is in fact a good thing. Many products are already being screened with such tests, and those that are not will be required to begin such testing shortly or will be pulled from the market. In terms of safety for my children, I’m quite happy with the effects of this law on new products.

Where things get interesting is with used products. Consider your local resale and thrift shop. Currently, all of their secondhand children’s clothes will have to be tested for lead and phthalates. Given that many such stores aren’t high-income operations - many are nonprofits - these shops simply cannot afford to do the testing on the children’s clothes on their shelves.

So what happens? Most thrift shops are currently not accepting any children’s clothing at all. Sometime in the next month or so, all thrift shops will have to clear all of their children’s clothing from the shelves … and send them to the landfill.
"

from Bookroom blog on the same issue

"If changes are not made to CPSIA immediately, then we will see millions of items of children’s clothing, toys, and books destroyed because they can no longer be sold in the United States. Our already burdened budgets will be pushed to the extreme as soon as we are faced with a steep rise in the cost of children’s products, due both to the extreme costs of testing and the disappearance of thousands of products from the market. CPSIA doesn’t affect only toys. It also includes clothing and shoes, the very necessities of life.

Retailers will not be able to do their own testing. We are not permitted to buy equipment or test kits to evaluate our own products. Instead, we at Jacobsen Books would need to purchase testing for every copy of every children’s book in our inventory. Since lead testing costs $100-$400 per product, it’s obvious that we’ll no longer be able to carry $2 to $5 children’s books. Unless action is taken soon, our favorite corner in our little store will no longer invite children to come, look, read, and enjoy.

Back in 2007, we all read with horror about the lead contamination of products purchased from China by the biggest toy retailers in the country. Normally, we like to see the punishment fit the crime, but in this case it looks like the biggest offenders will be rewarded by the progressive elimination of their smaller competitors."

Looks like it would effectively criminalize any seamstress making clothing or accessories for any compensation whatever - without paying outrageous fees per item - blocking yet another small business route for many.

I agree with Bookblog, this makes everyday people suffer for what big businesses have done, and makes even more people dependent on mass merchandisers as both small-time providers and everyday families would be greatly- negatively- impacted!

There are already too many laws that put small business opportunities out of reach - outrageous 'licensing' fees for start-up cart vendors, zoning policies that eliminate small cottage industries etc... Its long been said by the conspiracy-minded folks of our acquaintance that the government has been in bed with big businesses, working on ever more ways to make us all economic 'serfs' of the big biz interests. Used to think that was ridiculous, but decisions like this policy make that view ever more plausible. Have you heard about the efforts to criminalize herbs & home births & other traditional rights of the people to do and make for themselves? Weren't sure if those calls to save our freedom to do for ourselves were real? Well they are, sad to say. Amazing how little notice many major news services ever take note of such maneuvers...unless its as part of a PR campaign outlining the minor safety issues that were used as an excuse take major rights away. Tends to be up to area papers & local news companies to warn the public. I can only hope enough people will hear to make a difference before the damage is done.

The irony is that clothes made by small vendors are usually made from natural fibers from natural resources they have on hand (ie their own sheep) or from stock bolts & other parts (buttons, zippers) sold by large manufacturers that supposedly already passed by government safety checks. If these items already passed the test once, why is this an issue ? If they aren't passing the new standards, why not put the burden of testing on the large-scale manufacturers who failed testing before? Why attack used clothing and shoes stores for children? Other kids have already survived using these, you know?

Yes, there's some risk in using an older object that may have slipped past our government's watchdogs, but outlawing poverty coping mechanisms won't make the world safe. It just makes poor people even poorer! Why should the general public, thrift stores, and small seamstresses suffer to correct safeguard oversights? Why should the public be limited to buying their clothing from businesses big enough to buy these testing kits? Why not limit this to substances at least that might reasonably be a hazard... like lead-looking buttons, instead of including handmade wood buttons & cotton shirts? Why can't we just make 'good faith' declarations that we won't sell stuff we think is dangerous - and leave liability as an issue to those who do?

Why are we, the public, losing the right to sell our own used property? Its kids stuff today. What will it be tomorrow?

Oh, right, because the companies have answers for all our gov't checkpoints & tests. Besides, its easier to pick on poor people. I knew that. :P

This doesn't affect us immediately, and we can sew here anyway, but it is still extremely upsetting, as it has the capacity to do so much harm to so many good people.

This could really hurt a lot of families with little kids. So many families DEPEND on 2nd-hand clothing stores for everything. The give-away charities may or may not be immediately affected, but its unlikely they can take in all the over-flow, and that means that can be little done toward stocking for future crises - like the truckloads of stuff that have been sent in to help in every natural disaster. You could see kids seriously doing without basics in the fairly near future, wearing t-shirts in winter & shoes that don't fit, if this misguided policy is put into effect.

If you are one of those families, see what you can get your hands on NOW and squirrel away those larger sizes & cute pre-schooler ABC books. God have mercy on us all.

What a way to start the New Year...

What a way to start Obama's presidency. I doubt he is in any way responsible for it, but if he can't get this amended to more human terms A.S.A.P, it will be associated with him and negatively impact his public support in many households, especially those who made clothes for their neighbors as home business & all the working class families who can't dress baby nicely at Goodwill anymore.

This is bad.

This is really bad.

Happy New Year!

Hope yours was as quiet and pleasant as ours. We played games during the day, and did our small family gathering thing with some nice cheeses & crackers & a small taste of an inexpensive champagne at midnight. Didn't especially try to watch for the tv showing of the NY crystal ball droppping down, but we saw it anyway. We caught the pronouncements of the reporters of how the economy couldn't get worse, so it must soon get better' and how 'it was like a church service with John Lennon's "Imagine" as a hymn' and wondered uneasily what God thought of it. Lennon's song asks us to 'imagine no possessions' 'no heaven, hell, or religion' and 'no country.' Wow- think they'd like to get what they just prayed for? I wouldn't...

Prayed together and let it go. We trust in Him, that's what we have to focus on. Other people will do what they choose.

At least the weather was fairly nice.

Merry Christmas!

Hope your holiday remembrances for this year were worth cherishing. Our Christmas was pretty good all things considered. The kids & Mom loved their presents. Tom & I enjoyed the few goodies we couldn't resist getting for each other. Even the venison roast & ham dinners (for Christmas Eve dinner & Christmas respectively) came out very well. Becka's garlands hit a new height in artistic beauty & DS made an adorable Gingerbread house scene. Even the kitties enjoyed their catnip mice and feathered toys. The feathers are still floating around, actually. Well, at least they were loved to death ;)

Weather was warm-ish - mid-50's- and overcast. No snow at all, though there was plenty on the news for other places.

Read on one Christmas site that if Christ was truly born in September, as many now believe, then Christmas is actually near the anniversary of the Annunciation - His immaculate conception. That would work too, IMHO

Our Christmas Card 2U

Our new card is up. This is just the tiny version. You can see the big, wallpaper-y one at the site. We've added all kinds of hidden object & flash fun too.


Wishing You and All Your Dearest a Happy Holiday!