How Did It Go?

If you are reading this then I am assuming you would like more detail about what we’ve been up against this last month or so, in the wake of Tom’s surgery at the end of June. I didn’t have access to the internet in Richmond while staying in the Hospitality House, and I’ve not had much time for the net since then, either.
As a matter of fact, I’m not online now, in case the nurse wants to call and remind us of her next visit. But I’ll go online tonight and leave this for you to see.

Guess I’ll skim over the missing days since the last post.

June 29th, we are in Richmond at the HH. Tom’s prep begins that afternoon. He doesn’t do well with it and is in pain all day & night. Neither of us get much sleep.

June 30th At 5am, we sign into the surgical area, but they don’t take Tom to the back for another 40 minutes (We’re early.) 6:12am-9am: Tom is checked, rechecked, given an IV, pain meds, & had a few tests done. They are concerned but decide to go ahead, as his condition is serious and unlikely to improve without surgery.

9:30 am – 7:15pm A long, llllooonngg day of waiting. MCV has a neat system involving pagers & internal phones which allow the doctors & anesthesiologists to call me every so often and say how things are going. Thus I get phone calls every hour or two saying Tom’s condition is very good, all things considered. His surgery is much more complicated than even they had expected and it will be at least an hour or two more, if Tom continues to hold in there the way he is presently.

My one lunch break was at the Chick Filet in the hospital’s food court. There I happened to overhear one of the assistant surgeons (doctor student) talking to a colleague about the case while in line. I recognized him from that morning, but I don’t think he had seen me sitting in the corner of Tom’s room. He pretty much says the same thing I’d been told on the phone, but his version is much more detailed. I don’t mind as it was reassurring to hear him talk about how brilliant the lead surgeon is (by name), how well “the tough Scot” is doing, how they’ve established a rotation to keep people from getting too tired, how fascinating, complicated, & unusual this case is, how he hated to leave it but it looked like it was going to run into the evening before they could wrap up. (He had an afternoon appointment he couldn’t break.)

Tom’s vitals held rock steady throughout the whole business, which I regarded as a blessing from God in itself. He’s had trouble with anesthesia in much shorter procedures. I know you guys were praying. You made a BBIIGG difference, believe it.

At 7:15-ish Tom’s doctor tells me that the surgery is a success. They have cleared the scarring tissue, the deep abcess, the fistula, & more. His situation was bad but they believe they got it all. Its clear he’s had a building problem for many, many years. They’ll have to do a follow-up to undo some of the care they had to do today (bypasses to let his system heal) & make sure nothing grew back that shouldn’t, but they don’t really expect it will. In the long term, he may better than I’ve ever known him to be. Best guess is that some of this trouble has been building for decades, possible since his teen years.

At the end, they decided to wake him up very slowly, given how long he’d been under. I waited awhile longer, but at last the day & previous evenings with short & interrupted sleep took their toll on me. I was told he was fine but not to come to ICU (where he was sent) until afternoon.

So I went back to the hospitality house, thanked God, prayed, and feeling His grace upon me, slept like a log until noon, nearly. This was just as well as the doctor had suggested I not arrive until afternoon after they had finished the tests and adjustments.

July 1st

I found that Tom had his own room in ICU, which was cool. He had the best room in the ward actually, and the quietest, though he was in no shape to make full use of its amenities. They were obviously taking wonderful care of him, but…

Nothing can prepare you for seeing your beloved in ICU.

Nothing.

At his side there was a beeping, blinking Christmas tree of boxes, bottles, and IV bags. The automated air bed moved him around gently, like an oversized doll. On the other side a large machine kept track of his vitals and tended his breathing, supplementing as needed.

He wasn’t really awake, though he responded to his name and would try to squeeze my hand now and then.

The doctors and nurses, who checked on him every few minutes, said he was doing great! (considering) Making steady progress.

I stayed with him all afternoon and talked to him, though I knew he wouldn’t remember. They’d already told me he wouldn’t, because of the sedative/anesthetic chosen. He was unconcious so he wouldn’t be distressed by all the stuff attached to him, easing his recovery. Yes, he’d been awake that morning. Everything was on schedule, though he’d probably be in ICU a few days.

July 2nd -6th

Tom got steadily better as the days went by, despite small reverses. At one point they were very worried about his kidneys, but he recovered full functionality on his own very soon. Slowly, day by day, the collection of medical hardware thinned. Large machines were turned down and then off, one by one. Finally he was left with an oxygen line, some basic sensors & an IV with a couple of bags attached. By this time he was able to look at the card & bear I’d been allowed to bring with me, though regular conversations weren’t yet possible. Tom knew who he was. Tom knew who I was. He knew he’d had surgery & was getting better. That was it.



During this period they had to unplug the electronically-controlled sink across from him. It would keep running and running the whole time he remained under, unless they unplugged it. Worked fine after Tom woke up on the last day. The nurses muttered about quirky electronics. One of the doctors speculated about whether electronic sensors in too close a proximity might not trigger each other. Me, I think Tom just wanted a nice hot bath.



July 7th- 9th

Tom’s first day in a regular room was way too exciting. His first nurse left his rails down while caring for him, then startled him later by simply reaching for what she wanted to check without announcing she was back in the room, which caused him to fall out of bed. When I arrived, the doctor there had just put him back together, set his oxygen at a higher rate, and they were watching to make sure he wouldn’t have to be shipped back to ICU!

Those rails (and other settings on the ICU bed) proved a continuing issue for a couple of days, as they were a bit tricky to set properly. Most of the nurses on that floor weren’t familiar with the new ICU beds. Despite my geeky leanings, I couldn’t help but so much. I hadnt seen everything the nurses had done & I sure didn’t want to guess incorrectly.

Thankfully, by the evening of the 8th, Tom was well enough to move to a regular bed. Just the same, the doctors ordered ‘sitters’ who sat with him round the clock for the next few days. I also stayed each day, and gave the day shift decent breaks while I was there.

I could not stay with Tom at night, but I stayed close by at Hospitality House & swapped stories with the other patients & families at the facility. There was a small library I could borrow books from. The kitchen wasn’t well supplied, but there was often muffins & doughnuts for the mornings and cake at night. Sometimes I took the shuttles & escorts, but on nicer days I walked over the 7+ blocks to the main hospital. By now, I had settled into a sort of routine. Eat breakfast. Walk or ride over. Stay with Tom until early evening, grab a sandwich & head back. Enjoy cake, books, & sometimes a nice conversation. Wash, rinse, repeat.

On July 4th I found that the shuttle service was reduced again, so after munching a couple of banana nut muffins, I walked over to see Tom. When he was awake we looked at the weather channel & train travel docs together. Early that evening a local broadcast shared a musical program done by the Air Force band. After 7, I asked for an escort ride back to the House & called home to tell them how Tom was doing. (You can’t use cell phones in the hospital.) Later, I saw fireworks from the balcony of the HH on July 4th & watched “Independence Day” downstairs with the other residents. They had dinner for us that night. Spaghetti & holiday-themed cupcakes. Not bad.


July 10th- 12th and homecoming ~

I was supposed to be able to stay with Tom until his release, but an office worker botched the paperwork. It was possible to fix it by pestering the ward nurses but both Tom & I thought I should go home instead and check on our household in person, get a few things for him, make sure his room was ready etc. So that’s what we did. I ran home & back a couple of times, bringing his best robe, get well cards, & a few goodies. Sadly, after the 11th, Mom had to do the driving. I just suddenly seemed to run out steam & health all at once. Mom got Tom home safely at the end of an exciting day (Her car developed a flat halfway there. Hurray for AAA!) On the 12th I found I had presents & a few cards. Best present was the Lord of the Rings elven brooch. That will look awesome on my cloaks! We decided to save having a cake until Tom could enjoy it with us.

Settling back in ~ now

Tom is now home, recovering slowly but steadily. Not surprising its taking awhile when you consider how long he has been suffering from this (over 20 years!) Right now, He still requires a fair amount of care & isn’t supposed to go anywhere until he sees the doctor on Aug 1st.
I was trained to change his bandages & I do, often.

He spends a lot of time reading and watching movies.



MCV assigned a nurse to check up on him every so often & lend a hand. Nice lady.

As for me, I’m hanging out with Tom, filing paperwork, & re-reading the first 5 Harry Potter books before taking my turn with the new release. Becka pre-ordered it & says its better than Phoenix. I already know who the Half-Blood Prince is, however, and was surprised. My guess wasn’t even close!



We finally chose a nice a cake for my birthday the other evening. Its been too busy to make special a Myst cake this year, so I ended up with this.
Tis a very tasty cake. The car model turned out to be the right year too! Very cool

After Tom was definitely better, Mom and our young'uns checked out Water Country, USA. Sounded like they had some fun.


Soon as the weather cooperates, they will probably be back there, or else at Busch Gardens

So that’s where things are at. Tom has a great deal of healing to do, but he is making steady progress day by day. Please keep him in your prayers when you think of it. Thank you very much for the wonderful prayer support you’ve given us! We can’t thank you enough!

Embarkation

Sometimes life is like a log flume ride... feels like you are cruising along, slick and quick, but knowing the whole time a great big drop is coming up on you ~ fast. You know that many, many people have easily survived what you are about to do. You know the worst thing is the fear as the bottom drops out from under you for just that little bit. Like as not, you'll be fine at the end, just a little bit showered by the experience.. and yet... and yet...

That analogy came to me last week as we continued our peregrinations around Busch Gardens (havent worked in Water Country, USA yet). We're greatly enjoying ourselves over there, taking our time and doing things as we always wanted to do them. Current policy is to ride anything we really like several times before we move on, then concentrate on a new section. We finally finished the France/ New France section (NOW I remember why I grew up with such a rosy view of our Northern neighbors.) Currently we are concentrating on the German-themed sections of the park: Rhine, Germany, & Oktoberfest. We spent a good chunk of one afternoon riding the 'Rhine' riverboats up and down area waterways. Becka got some great pictures that day. Since I last posted we've seen street performers, a circus show, the Oktoberfest scene, a fairy tale skit, enjoyed some excellent treats, and realized we're gaining endurance & dramatically improving our physical conditioning with every day spent like this. Can't help but be happy about that, but then we come home and deal with the upcoming changes a bit more. We talk over plans yet again, pray, and try not to worry too much.

Tom's surgery date is now quite solid. No more last minute paper surprises or cold bugs are likely to intervene. Tom is definitely holding better again because he's been put on mondo antibiotics. He's been able to do most of the little maintenance jobs & bigger yardwork concerns here that were bugging him.

Once again I am expecting to be gone entirely for at least a few days after the 29th. The hospital's "Hospitality House" is making room for me to remain near Tom for a week, with reservations for more. Tom, however, doesn't think I'll need to stay that long this time. He felt for me spending the week in that chair in Williamsburg. Here I would get a whole room nearby for free, but that's at least partially because I'd be so much further away from home. Mom will be here, of course, and we have plenty of backup, but I will most likely at least make trips home to make sure everyone is ok. You can't do everything on the phone.

The latest good news is that we've also been cleared to be covered financially for the whole procedure & stay. This help has considerable eased Tom's mind & mine. All he has to do is concentrate on getting better. Praise God!

so... I may be gone the whole week and too busy afterwards for awhile to say much or I may be available in a few days with happy news about how well he's doing. We'll see how things go.

Please remember us in your prayers, those who pray.



Here's hoping for a nice, relaxed river cruise after the flume drop in real life.

Fun!

We went to Busch Gardens in Williamsburg this week & confirmed that we do indeed have season tickets, which they call 'passports.' The prize was even better than we imagined! It covers not only free admission, but free parking, free events, MUCH reduced costs for drinks, mild discounts on all other purchases & the option (which we accepted) to add the Water Country USA park next door all season for only 30 bucks! WOW! Even the distance/gas/traffic isnt too bad for us. (I worried needlessly, as it turned out, that this that might have changed since the last time we were able to visit.)

My kids had a great time taking in the rides & shows we managed to see the first day. Since we are to be there often we decided to concentrate on one or two areas a day & on getting our 'walkies.' So we mostly stayed in England/Scotland. We hung out with the Clydesdales, checked the shops, & rode the train. England's 'Haunted Lighthouse' was rather fun & made me think of the Darkfall adventures. (The actors, which included Christopher Lloyd, were American, so I wondered if Boakes' games accounted for their current location.) We did dash over at the end of the day to France so William could ride the Le Mans cars, as he has heard about them for years, but had never been able to ride them before. I am happy to report the reality lived up to his expectations. He went through the lines several times to get more turns.

Everyone was very tired the next day, and since we have plans this weekend relating to Father's Day, we won't be back until next week, most likely. Can't make our plans too solidly as the hospital may call Tom in anytime now. I keep an overnight bag ready.

Tom makes out he's not too curious about what we got him, but Mom thinks she caught him weighing the bag. lol Hope he likes what we chose for him. I think he will, especially the shirts: William found a 'wolf' shirt that looks like Pepper pouting & we also got a lion one (Says "Lion of Judah" on it). We also chose a video game & some movies for his recuperation period. (I thought he'd be through surgery by now, so I set them aside in layaway.)

so..Tom is still hurting & but also still able to putter around the house. We're enjoying time with each other this Father's Day. (Getting ready to take some fresh pictures of the kids for my Father-in-law. We'll see him tomorrow.) The weather has cooled just enough that we are totally looking forward to our next day out.

We are still in heavy prayer about some needed changes & for Tom's healing, but these have been good days this last week. May there be many more.

The calm before the...?

Tom still hasn't had his major surgery yet, though we've seen plenty of that hospital. By now I am learning my way around Richmond's downtown again. Last hold up was a surprisingly rough cold bug that has slowed up the whole family for the last couple of weeks. They put Tom on *very* strong antibiotics & gave it "a few days" ..so now we wait to be called again. Should be anytime. For awhile we we've been feeling the strain of these medical adventures but, now, somehow, the depression is lifting. We feel...comforted, cheered even. This is going to be over soon.

We have some good stuff to look forward on the side as well. My Mom won tickets to the closest amusement park so we'll definitely be taking the kids over one of these days. It says 'season tickets,' but we haven't been there yet to have this verified by the park. Soon!

Tom has used the extra time to take care of some maintenance issues in my car & his so we'll be able to do the local park & museum thing again. We live within an hour of colonial Williamsburg, revolutionery Yorktown, & Jamestown as well as a number of museums. Every park here has some history attached to it. Here fun & education are always hand in hand. I really like that about Virginia. 'Tis cool.

Not doing as much for Mysterium as I have some years ~ but what I have got is coming out wonderfully well. Hope they like it.

As for me..well, I finished Grim Fandango with my family a week or so ago (wonderful game!) Finally finished Paper Mario: Thousand Year Door too & decided to put Myst IV away. No time for it. Instead I've moved on game-wise to two GBA titles I never got around to finishing before ~ Zelda: Oracle of Ages & Zelda: Oracle of Seasons. They travel well, obviously, which is a big plus. Even better, I am already past where I was stuck in the first one. Yay!

& I'm reading David Copperfield because I couldn't properly appreciate Rebecca's book report on what I remembered of the story. Its rather good, even by modern standards. Now I am not sure I ever read this particular novel before. I read Bleak House in high school & became acquainted with Nicholas Nickleby not much later. All of Dickens' titles are so famous, they all sound familiar.

We've now seen Star Wars 3 & pretty much agreed with Rand's assessment of it. Obi Wan & Yoda were even more wonderful than before. Anakin's acting skills improved a lot & Padme's a little. Felt sorry for both characters, but even more sorry for Jedi Mace Windu & the kids. As theatricals go, it was done well, but the story was so very sad.

Madasgascar I saw only yesterday, when everybody finally felt well enough to sit in a movie theater. It was cute but the frenetic motion of the characters detracted from the overall charm. All the animals seemed to be on fast-forward. But, hey, I'd have gone just to see the penguins. Becka started a story with me on the way home about how the evil Emporer penguins elite troops came to be ncarcerated in the New York zoo in the first place. :D

So, anyway, we've necessarily been taking it easy & waiting for developments. I still don't have time to play online, so my other drafts for this blog etc, will just have to wait until later.

Gearing up!

Tom's happier today. Despite the challenges we've been facing, his plans have been coming along well, and quite a few of his friends have come oboard with them. We are now able to move much better too. We've learned quite a few interesting things from our friends lately.

That's not the only recent 'happy' either



^_^

Fresh releases?

Spring is everywhere.

Flowers are blooming, birds sing from every tree and that means itsss.. trailer time!

The big movies & book releases are gearing up for their summer sales. Electronic games are preparing for E3 coverage, and the net is full of downloadable tidbits.


So far the best trailer I've seen is actually for Harry Potter 4: Goblet of Fire. It begins with a overview of how much the main characters have grown, throws in some exciting bits & plot exposition, and ends with the best new quote I've heard in awhile :

"Dark and difficult times lie ahead, Harry. Soon we must all face a choice between what is right and what is easy."

That resonated deeply with us. That's the same thing I have said to so many people, including myself. I'm seriously starting to cut people out of my life who are consistently choosing what is easy over what is right. Pretty much sums up my view on current events too. I'm expecting trouble in our land from nature, at least, and perhaps other sources (and hoping I'm wrong, in case you are wondering.) This prescient line seems to be taken from a speech of Dumbledore's. Smart fella. Good warning. & full kudos to the trailer makers for challenging people to actually think for a change, as well as offering what promises to be a thumpingly good adventure film.

So...That trailer has done its job! We are definitely looking forward to Goblet now! That is so much more than we can say about most we've seen lately. Most of them have failed to turn me off of projects we were interested in, but I had real doubts about whether they advanced 'the cause' much.

What surprised me about this personal opinion, is that this includes so many big name titles we've been watching... like the newest Zelda, Hitchiker's Guide, Star Wars teasers/previews, Madagascar's teasers, and even Myst V's latest trailer. Felt better about that last when I found Cyan hadn't made it. People have laughingly compared the latest Myst advert to old Ultima art, Beyond Atlantis, & even old Sierra games. Sadly, I know just what they mean. Myst games are known for being cutting edge, intelligent & beautiful. Myst V is likely to be all of that and more. There have been some tantalizing clues about the newest story. Cyan's screenshots, especially, have whet our appetite...but that trailer looks like leftovers.

Is it just me or have trailer makers generally gotten into a rut? Action, mystery, sci-fi, whatever.... seems like every trailer I see reminds me of dozens of others. Star Wars, at least, has the distinction of having its own look to all the game teasers/movie trailers/etc...which just seems to mean, lately, that they have their very own, specialized...hole in the mud.

I'm not trying to be evil. I perfectly comprehend that it is hard to convey much in 30 secs or even 1:30 min. How many ways can people look excited, sad, happy etc about events of which we know nothing? How many ways can you show a lightsaber battle (especially when any fighting conventions are respected)? How many ways can you blow things up?



& As a form of marketing, originality doesn't always matter. To some extent, people like familiarity because they have some idea what to expect with it. Some of these trailers are actually playing on this in their new products (ie: if you liked Spiderman, you'll like this!)

Nothing advertising is likely to come up with, or fails to come up with, will prevent people from buying the newest installment of a favorite series. And then, if the newest effort is good enough, (at least good enough for horseshoes) it will keep selling as long as distribution is kept up. Thats what the big companies bank on (too heavily, imho)

So its nice when you see someone do better than that. This is for all those who did.





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sometimes the whole corporate thing feels like...

Beloved of Birds

Tom's surgery is tentatively scheduled for the end of the month. Should know soon if that's firm (dates on things keep changing with these guys.) Its hard to be encouraged about yet another round of surgery but I remind myself (& others) that the last ones didn't actually fail. Tom had complications from the other repairs because of the stricturing area they didnt know about before. So now they know all about that too & it can be treated. Despite appearances, we ARE making progress and he IS getting better. The whole business has been very wearing however.



Seems like the birds are determined to make us feel better about things. Blue Jays and Cardinals are staying in the yard, and the remaining crows (there's been another avian flu epidemic) and a big blue crane are regular visitors again.

The crane seems to have heard about previous events. We saw him hanging in closer and closer ditches and finally he simply moved back onto the 'moats' that line our driveway. He introduced himself by walking over to my mom, fussing, and waving a wing at her. At first he moved fairly quickly whenever we were leaving in the car, now he barely bothers to get out of the way. That'll work fine, as long as no emergencies come up or someone forgets to look for him while leaving in a hurry. hehe I gotta remember to take my camara with me more often so I can get a good picture of him (or her).

Kids and I went to the park one glorious afternoon this week and fed the ducks, geese, and swans. Beaverdam Park has completely recovered from hurricane Isabel now. It is as beautiful as ever. The flock there is much nicer than before. They asked nicely instead of trying to mug us. Oh those swans were lovely too. I loved how they bowed to us when we were out of corn. We bowed back a bit, and they bowed again. We all felt very Japanese. :-)

Mom & I regaled Rebecca & William with the same stories of how birds wanted to feed them as babies, and how they tried to feed me when I was an infant. William attracted larger flocks with his preemie baby lamb cries, but Becka always had her admirers too when she was very little. Mom says they were giving me worms as late as 8-10 months. She took me to a garden and every time she looked around I had worms to wave at her. She finally realized I was the recipient of a robin's loving care. She *thinks* she kept me from fully enjoying my presents. lol

Then there were the crows who thanked us for leaving food on cold days by 'tapdancing.' That's what it looked like anyway. Then they would laugh back at our laughter. The local crows have always been good neighbors. They let us know when they see someone in the woods near us & even have a special call if that person is armed. (actually sounds like "gun! gun!")

I've gotten along especially well with hawks at times. Known several that would come down and comment on life (not that I really understood all that much.) I still remember the bald eagle at the Washington Zoo fussed very much when I had to leave with my group (which resulted in my being teased about it for months! That was okay, however, because the monkeys had got the best of the rowdier boys before we ever left. All I had to do was tease them back. ^_^ ) The male bald eagle male at the living museum doesnt respond to us as much, but the female is reasonably friendly when she has the time. Their owls are nice.

Owls like me but they like my Mom & Rebecca even better. A great horned owl lighted on our clothesline a few times to talk things over with her (and Tom and whoever else was around.)

Mr Hitchcock would not have had much inspiration from the birds around here.

NNeeexxxttt!

Tom came back in a grim state of mind. Seems the big teaching hospital trip is back on the menu. Should have more details Wednesday. Hope they still have that place for relatives to stay for free nearby. That was a big help last time he had surgery there.

The folks at Mom's church very much like Rebecca's fractal tribute to John Paul II. Something may yet come of it. It's be nice if it made it into one of the collections for him. Father Lee was quite enthusiastic about the image. Mom presented my Jabez blog too. I hope that also blesses someone up the line. God must have some reason for what he's doing with us these days.

We took the trash off while we getting a few things done around town. Once again finding myself shaking my head at what I saw there. The sheer wastefulness of some folks is hard for me to understand. I'd swear that yuppy took pride in throwing away decent-looking furniture, scooters etc. Hasnt she ever heard of donating? How about reduce, re-use, recycle? Sometimes I actually come out and gently suggest something of the sort but somehow this didnt seem like the day.

Lately a blue heron has taken to living around our driveway. He fussed as per tradition at first, but now barely bothers to move when my car comes down. I'd swear he nodded his head towards us as we went by today. Made us feel a little better. Got a fresh stack of books to read too, thanks to the sale at the library. The local county library isnt much, despite its size & snazzy look. Generally speaking, we have more & better resources than they do, but William needed to see how one worked. He managed that part very well, happily. Then we enjoyed checking out a few more magazines. All in all, it was a good trip.

Changes, I can feel changes on the lightly chilled spring breeze.

Use & Abuse of the Prayer of Jabez

A woman who has quite regularly shown me 'bad fruit' for years crowed some while back that a secular advancement (which she had sought by every earthly means at her command) was evidence that her reciting Jabez's prayer everyday had got her forward. It was the usual, "I've gotten some earthly success so I'll claim spiritual advancement over you as well" kinda deal. Not even worth arguing directly. She wouldnt hear me, and she was certainly wrong. Anyone with as much sustained malice as she has shown is unlikely to be saved, let alone have the "inside scoop" on how to win with God. God grant she does get saved one of these days!



Nevertheless, the conversation put me so far off I wouldnt even read Bruce Wilkinson's books for awhile. I am not in love with 'prosperity' doctrines, having been taught from my youth that seeking to "use" God for earthly goals is nothing less than a form of witchcraft. I am not big on systems that suggest repetitious behaviour of any sort (or direct prayer to saints, though I can deal with the idea of asking ones in heaven as well as on Earth to pray to God for us.) On the other hand, I have known of many true teachings that were abused by people who lacked understanding, so I held any opinion of Mr W's works until it was convenient to look for myself.

One day I chanced on a copy of Prayer of Jabez secondhand. Turned out the prayer was real enough.

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1Chronicles 4:9 Jabez was more honorable than his brothers. His mother had named him Jabez, saying, "I gave birth to him in pain."
1Ch4:10 Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, "Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain." And God granted his request. NIV

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The beginning of Wilkinson's book championed the idea of a 'selfish' prayer, by which he apparantly meant that you should pray also for your own well-being, provision, and closer walk with God. Then he went on to introduce Jabez himself & recommend we consider his prayer for our own use.

Wilkinson's book, as a whole, was well-written and within scriptural lines as far as I could tell...as long as you read all of it & considered carefully the definitions he had in mind. Sadly, quite a few people were likely to skim those two initial ideas "its okay to pray for what you want" and "pray Jabez's prayer to get it." That isn't enough.

Now, it never hurts to ask God's protection. In fact the apostles recommended we pray before going or doing much of anything. Its not a bad idea to seek God's face for what you desire either, as long as you can deal with the idea that He may say "no" because what you desire is sinful ~ or simply unwise for reasons you do not know.

It is not, however, wisdom to assume that all earthly gain is a blessing from God proving spiritual worthiness (the scriptures & history abound with descriptions of wicked people exalted 'for a time.') or that you can 'write your own ticket' by simply claiming a prayer like this for what you'd like to have. After all Christ's "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you" is similar but, thankfully, emphasizes more clearly that the desires in question need to be God-centric, not fleshly.

Another translation I read of Jabez's prayer said he wanted to have his territory enlarged 'for God' which I felt was much more to the point. Jabez had been named "a pain." He had sought to be honorable anyway. He wanted to be blessed and called a blessing. My husband and I can relate to this better than most people. Odd we should so long getting around to read it because Jabez's prayer is really for people like us. We've been seeking God too, crying aloud in our own words for relief and vindication, to be blessed and called a blessing. We know now why we've had to wait to see an answer. Our desires needed to be purified. Gain without God is destruction. Even seeking gain without seeking God even harder will mess you all up.

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ROMANS 8:5 Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. 6 The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; 7 the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. 8 Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.


1 Timothy 6:9 People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. 10 For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.

JAMES 4:1 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

NIV

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Jabez had another lesson to give those who studied his life. Jabez sought to be honorable. He had become more "honorable than his brothers." Apparantly this honor was the Godly type, you can see that by who he was talking to about the remaining lacks in his life. Jabez sought God first. Jabez sought to BE godly first, and his request was honored. The earthly blessings followed AFTER Jabez's decision to live a godly life despite what others said about him, and his direct prayer. Yes, this passage is repetitive, deliberately so. I can't emphasize enough how important this sequence is.

So I've been praying for awhile that my desires conform more closely to Christ's own. I want Him to purge my heart of unworthy dreams, then bring to pass what visions he chooses to save. Also, though I must ask to receive (I can't stand not to), I recognize I am probably asking imperfectly what I want and need, so I would prefer God to use His better plans rather than mine should they ever be in conflict. He's the one with all the brains, after all!

I believe that if we are serious enough to keep putting ourselves as well as our heart's cry before Christ that we may receive without being destroyed, we will see the first real blessing of the Prayer of Jabez. We will become more like our Savior. The other blessings follow that one.

1TIMOTHY 6:17 Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. 18 Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. 19 In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life.

Smoothie(r) sailing

Okay, having finally said what I've *almost* said for so long, I guess I'm done with pointless ranting at an unjust world...for now ;)

Life is looking a little bit sunnier on this bright, warm afternoon.

Tom's colonscopic procedure went as smoothly as possible. In fact it was over not long after I returned from a light breakfast with with the nice people in the cafeteria in the hospital. Actually I was greeted warmly everywhere I went in the building, but especially welcomed at the cafeteria. There were a few others in when I arrived there, so I noticed the companionable nods & smiles, but assumed they felt that way about everybody. When the sad yuppy-looking folks left, one of the guys who work in the area looked around, grinned, and said "Hey! Its just us now. We can talk!" I chuckled but thought he'd missed my presence. He hadn't. So we talked about the news stories together, good & bad. Funniest bit was a lengthy video clip showing a small herd of buffalo coralled in tennis courts. This happened in roughly in Og's part of the world.. Wonder what he thought of that? Couldnt help but remember that childhood photo...

Afterward I settled down for what I expected to be a long wait, but turned out to be about 10 minutes. Tom was already waking up. Doctor said it was the same stricture point & thinks something else will have to be done to keep it from recurring. We are to meet with him again in about a week.

ssoo... now we're home. Tom says he feels a bit better than he did this morning. His diet is pretty limited right now to smoothies, slurpees (had one on the way home), juices and the like.

Happily we make some awesome fruit smoothies around here.

You can make a delicious & easy one with pina colada mix (Bicardi workes best), a large banana in pieces, & ice cubes in the blender. That's how we started again. By now, we've gotten where we like to make them from scratch with cocoanut milk, pineapple pieces (canned is fine & add the juice), apple juice, ice cubes, & banana. 'Tis very tasty & rather filling.

We’ve tried strawberry dacquiri mixes but only Bacardi was any good, and it really needed honey and bananas or fresh strawberries to be its best. Strawberry pie filling & bananas might be better still. May try that soon as I found a forgotten can not long ago.

We've made almost_an_Orange_Julius a few times too. All you need is orange juice, ice cubes, egg, a little cream of tartar & sugar. Strawberry & banana ones are nice too. Ours are largely based on what I saw at the mall as a teen (when the OJ people borrowed ingredients from the mall restaurant) and what I read in Top Secret recipes. heh

Still haven't mastered the art of homemade milkshakes with lactose-free ice cream. Perhaps soon.

Hanging in There

Life hasn't been a lot of fun in recent weeks and so I haven't posted much. Tom's still having scary episodes. Tomorrow he goes in for yet another round with the surgeon. It looked for awhile like the stricture repair had done the trick and they would finish up this week but last weekend he was worse than he let on. By Sunday evening he was doing very poorly indeed. Its now become clear he'll have to have another stricture dealt with. Hard to say what this will mean to the next step. I've sought prayer support again, though by now I feel like a pest. Wish I could offer better news in return for their kindness.

In other depressing developments, I watched another person go 'over the line' who I had hoped would be a real friend again once certain truths finally surfaced. Guess it was inevitable that wanting to please another crowd, she hid even to herself the seriousness of her choices. Given our suspicions re: her & some stupidity directed at our daughter, its just as well to have finally ended it ~ though I left the door open for reconciliation. I'd be amazed if she walked through it.

I really am tired of 'understanding' cheap shots by easily (self?) deluded people. Its been an irritating thing to us to realize how many times we have received evil for good and been called evil on behalf of a person whose choices have been far worse & less kind than ours. Bluntly, we've several times been called evil BY evil ~ while trying to do good. Sometimes while trying to do that very person good. I'll never forget the time we discovered we were being slandered by a guy who had asked for & received groceries & housekeeping help that very week...and he went around telling others how much we owed HIM! Then there's the old lady who so often asked for help and always got it..until the day we heard what she'd been saying to others, which came out about the time she tried to turn the newest neighbors against us. (She admitted to that part. Threw it in our face.) Her excuse came from even worse slanders this neighborhood has indulged in for decades about my husband's family. She ought to know better. She ought to have defended Tom at least, but no. It was convenient excuse to use & abuse & not worry about her ingratitude. btw She also thinks she's better Christian than we are (because she keeps a pretty yard?) I think she's in for a bit of a shock. Lets hope she can stand to repent before its too late.

I am so tired of the lies that have been directed against us. You know, I've tried to defend others I knew were being falsely accused. Jesus, when is it my turn? When do I get keep real friends for being one? This whole scene has gotten very old. Its helpful to hear we will eventually be vindicated & even rewarded for things like this, these 'wounds' we share with Jesus. Sure could use some encouragement right now though. Unhappily, those I might reasonably look to right now for comfort are busy with trials of their own. C'est la vie. Glad I moved in other directions, though I havent left even that one group entirely. I am still waiting on God's promises where I was told to wait.



Tom always says that there must be something spiritual gained for all we've gone through & are still dealing with. He figures we're either being prepared for something bigger or we're acting as shields for other servants of God...or both. (Heck, even demons can't be everywhere at once.) I've wondered if we haven't been more effective than we suppose even where we are, at least some of the time? Maybe we have encouraged when it mattered, even influenced some people for lasting good. Maybe we've already planted some good seeds that will fully bloom one day. Maybe some of the 'pharisees' we've known will have the grace to take a good hard look at their choices & choose another path. I hope so. We'll know one day. Right now all I can do is take one day at a time & try to place ever more of my life on the altar, so that all the enemy intends for my harm, God will use for my good. I believe He will. We will yet see blessing, as we currently see further purification. I just wish. I still wish that we could be a bigger blessing to others too. Until our vindication comes along with the overthrow of some established lies, much of the good we've tried to do seems largely undermined.


There have been a few blessings of note. Several freebies have turned up of the utterly cool variety, like a learner edition of Maya. & Rand Miller has given some thought-provoking interviews lately. The best news, imo, is that he hasn't given up. He still has good plans.

and, at home Our daughter made the most amazing fractal. It looks like a bishop's hat made of angels. I'm not a Roman Catholic but I've always admired, even been fond of, Pope John Paul II. Like so many others I was sorry to see him go home. Sorry for us really. That faithful servant has much more to look forward to than most of us. New guy sounds pretty good though. Chris' excellent links got us chuckling over the media reaction to ~ horrors! ~ a CHRISTIAN being elected as Pope. lol All their talk is about hate too, even though they show their own in the process. And like most good Christians, it seems Ratzinger is about peace & the love of Christ. His 'strong words' were just what people should expect from a loving shepherd who would appreciate it very much if those who call themselves God's flock would cease running pell-mell over the cliff of 'relativitism' into the sea of agnostic despair.

We've been reading about the Malachy prophecies & other predections too since Benedict XVI was chosen ..but thats another post.

Passing over lightly

Hello!

Its been a few weeks since anything has appeared from me on the blog. This has been a very difficult month indeed. Tom went from being worrisome on a day here and there to WHY won't_my_stubborn_spouse_let_me_get_him_to_a_hospital_already??!!! Ironically, the extreme bad turn he took actually prevented them from getting him in to be treated for what set this up in the first place.

I broke down by day five and went from general hints to only a few good friends to seriously asking as many real Christians as I could reach for prayer support..and thats what has turned the corner. Within 4 hrs of the email going out, the worst pains ceased. Within 24 hrs Tom could actually eat a little. He has improved steadily since. Today he will actually be able to eat the nice roast lamb now in the oven. Hallelujah!!

All of you who prayed for us..thank you again

and please remember us when you can. Its not over yet.

I am concerned about what the surgeon has in mind, though I comprehend why the doctor wants to try it. Its now been established that open surgery for Tom's unusual condition would be very involved, lengthy, and possibly have lasting side-effects. Another new wonderful invention of recent years has now been proposed involving surgical glue, lasers and such. Guess we'll see how good it is soon.

Its been an unusal Easter season. It feels way too early for one thing & because they were talking about rushing Tom into surgery before, I went ahead and ordered predone baskets. First time I've used 'boughten' baskets but it came out well enough. Had to replace Rebecca's at the last moment but she was the winner for it as we found a much nicer one locally than she had chosen in the catalogue. I was planning the Incredibles for tonight's film, but we didnt wait that long. Happy to see Tom enjoyed it as much as I thought he would. My favorite bit is "Boundin' " ~ the Pixar short. I rarely see anything that resonates so well with me. I just love that river-dancing sheepy. :D

So, I've been very busy here at the house, which doesn't mean I wasn't writing, thinking, or being otherwise creative. All nighters give you plenty of time to ponder. I thought & prayed constantly, and wrote down little thoughts here and there. I even have the outline for a new book. It will be my first mystery novel, which I've never had inspiration for before. I'm highly tempted to backdate the happy tidbits I wrote while I was too busy to post but I'll save it for the days ahead. No sense copying the behavior of she_who_should_not_be_named. LOL

I've also read several more books, got to a new stuck place in Feeble Files, tried several more rounds with Myst IV's spider chair o' doom. Now I'm just to the timed bit. ick. Lady K likes it but I don't think its a very well constructed puzzle. Not referring to the difficulty, though it certainly is hard to work out what you are supposed to do. No, the biggest problem is the interface on the timed part. Their "close-up" points are too close to the sliders. Finally remembered to share myMyst IV journal entries thus far ~ as I promised James & Becky I would. I hadn't planned to write one initially, but now I'm glad I did. That sort of thing is easy & fun for me. Don't know if I will continue up through Serenia though. I've now heard enough from others to make me wonder how repugnant the pagan elements became.

Big thought on my mind today is that I did *not* pass lightly over this holiday, not for myself or any other. I've been dealing with active slander for a long while now & its become a continuing scripture study. It looks like it wants to be a Bible study pamphlet or maybe another book. Recently I realized that Christ was killed on the basis of slander, as no real charge stuck. It also occurred to me that the whole church will go through the same thing...and soon as we are definitely in the last days. "Ye shall be hated of (in) all the nations for My name's sake." Matt 24:9b KJV Okay, some of those who pretend to be believers don't exactly help the reputation of the Church. But Christ actually says the REAL believers would be hated like he was & because of His name. Christ's grace still abounds even as His name continues to be slandered ~ and we share His disgrace.

How could we deserve this? As Paul says, those who follow Christ will seek the virtues 'against which there is no law.' What could the instrument be for this then but slander?

MT 10:24 "A student is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master. 25 It is enough for the student to be like his teacher, and the servant like his master. If the head of the house has been called Beelzebub, how much more the members of his household!" NIV



And what are we to do about it? Love our enemies. Bless them that curse us. Do good to those who hate us, and pray for those who despitefully use us. (Matt 5: 44) Forgive. Turn the other cheek and forgive again.

Just as Christ forgave us when we were still His enemies.

I've been trying to live these words 'for real' for a very long time, and it feels longer as I still wait for my Savior to vindicate me. I know I've been called an idiot, a liar, a hypocrite and worse. Its irritating to be slandered by someone who so perfectly fits the coat they've been trying to hang on you, but thats not unusual. Heck, its often their coat! They may even claim the virtues you strive for. And as badly as you may want to tell them off, Jesus says you are still supposed to pray for their well-being and salvation..and leave any vengence to Him.

Its hard. very hard. Without Jesus its impossible.

You really have to believe God. He says He can cause even hearts like rock to break and seek true repentence. Your prayers aren't wasted. If you are persistent some WILL repent. God says all things work together to good for those who love Him. So dedicating even the pain and ashes of such things will only do you good as you trust Him. God promises to provide for His own flock. Thus you can afford to be generous even when it looks like you've been ripped off.
He also says vengence is His and he will repay. So those who do not repent from evil ways will find additional coals of fire on their head. God promised that we have Abraham's blessing upon us. He will bless those who bless us and curse those who curse us. So no matter what, if you stick with God, you win.

"Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. Rejoice, and be exceedingly glad; for great is your reward in heaven; for so persecuted they the prophets who were before you. " Matt 5:11-12 KJV

Anyway, all that study led to my doing something yesterday that was very bold, even for me. I felt led to. I told some of those folks (and a few real friends) that Jesus was a friend to those who maligned him. He had forgiven those who hated Him and paid a terrible price to be able to do it. He loved every one of them. (and thanks to His grace on me, so do I.) What you want to bet some of them are offended today?

But that is what Easter is really about.

Bye. Gotta go check the lamb.

Happy St Patrick's Day!

The Weed Tree: A parable from Tom

Tom wanted me to share this some time ago but I never found a place or a time for it until now.

He thinks of it as a living parable or an allegory for, well, other situations. It really happened though. I can take you to right now to the spot where the weed tree grew.

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Some years ago we found we had a problem at one of the corners of our yard that head back into the wetland forest. A nasty brush kept springing up and spreading into our yard from the direction of particularly nettlesome scraggly tree. From a distance the rapid growth looked encouraging, even quite cheerful, but up close all its fruit was unpleasant, not a solid nut, a blackberry, or even a honeysuckle vine to be found. Worse, it invariably turned out that snakes, foxes, and other bad-tempered creatures were settling in and and making life a bit dangerous for us & our kids. You could hear soft growls if you even walked too closely to it near dark.

Such growth wasn't unusual but it was odd that it should be so invariably venomous. Forests here always encroach on the meadows they encircle. Brush grows up quickly everywhere. The neighbor's old shed in front of us is full of brush & the shy, friendly wildlife that usually inhabit it:: rabbits, squirrels and the occasional cat or skunk. We've left an old vine to grow in the meadow for the use of the birds and small creatures here. We've seen raccons & possums, moles & foxes in that part too, but these are usually good neighbors. In other places, even the forest brambles have been known to produce blackberries, flowers, and other pleasant things. Not so in that corner. The deer began to avoid it.

Tom cut back the brush year after year to what appeared to be a circle of bramble hedge, nettles, & saplings just around the tree, but in a few months you couldnt tell he'd done a thing. The saplings must have laid down when he'd try to cut them, for they would be back in weeks. The brambles had their own huge root system and grew back their outlying branches very quickly.

Tom says he left dealing with it way too long, not wanting to endure the painful process he knew would accompany taking down the stand, and so it got worse and worse. The vegetation seemed ever more dense & unmanageable... but then one day while cutting grass, he heard long, rumbling growls from something hiding under its cover, and knew he was being directly threatened in his own yard. He decided right then that corner was going to go! now!

It took solid days of labor, and he was fought every step of the way. The saplings & brambles would whip away from his machete, ax, & weedwhacker and swing back to grab his legs. Occasionally a branch he thought he had fully severed would spring up in front of his feet and nearly trip him. He came in each day covered with cuts, insect bites, & scratches ~ even under his jeans. I seriously wondered why he felt the need to take it on at all. He'd cut back the worst encroachments to the yard already. Surely the hostile creatures had also fled.

But the day came when it became clear his concern had been completely warranted. He'd realized he was working at a slant fairly early in the proceedings, but one day he discovered we had an actual pit around that tree, a mini-ravine which was way bigger than it looked from the outside. Its depression was filled with nettles, spiny saplings, and brambles. & Whats more something quite large (we're talking bear or coyote pack-sized) had an enormous den right smack in the middle of it all!

and there was that perverse tree, which still loomed large in the dusk through its twisted, spine-encrusted branches. It was still surrounded by a low fence of supporting nettles and thorny brambles which seemed to protect its green, leafy trunk, and seemed ready to move right in again. "You can't get rid of me without hurting yourself,' it seemed to say, "and I will soon own this corner again. My growths will spread, my creatures will return and you will fear me and them."

Tom wanted to start a fire on the whole mess, but he knew it would endanger the larger forest. He settled for waving an ax in its general direction and waiting for the next weekend. "We'll see about that," he muttered to the gloom.

It was actually 3 weeks before he found a few days to devote to the issue. As expected, new brambles & saplings grew out at ridiculous speed in the interim. But the final round wasn't like the others. I was with him and I'd swear the tree actually shuddered when he finally took an axe to the root of the oldest brambles and carted away the garbage to his trailer with gloved hands. Then the weed tree finally stood bare before the world. The transformation was amazing. I don't think I've ever seen an uglier, scrawnier tree. Turned out even its spines were borrowed from other plants, the stems actually protected by the bark of the tree. By now, I felt a little sorry for it, but even if we wished to spare it, the tree was too heavily compromised by the spiny growths that infested it trunk to crown. There is no reason to suppose the same situation would not recur if it were left entrenched.

So now it was time for the tree itself. The twisted, nettlesome arboral came down with a crash not long after the chain saw bit into it. Guess what? It wasn't even good for firewood! Its heart was completely rotten.

The last thing we did was to pray over it as a family, to break whatever curse might be on it.

epilogue:

Amazingly (to me), his work has proved sufficient. The corner has grown back, but with the pine & hardwood saplings the forest usually produces. I know I saw deer peering at us through the low growth. There were even a few blackberries there last summer.

May his story bless you.

Gray Day...with chance of frogs

The weather has warmed since the last spate of rain. We completely missed the last 'winter' storms. (Here they were early spring-ish rainstorms, just like what threatens now.) The few frogs awake here are loving the warmer wet conditions and are singing away cheerily. Seems like there's always a bright spot in the gray.

As for us, well, I'm happy to say that William seems to have turned some kind of a corner with the currrent math problems & can once again finish a math page in a reasonable amount of time. Yay! (William & I were amused to find out recently that Yeesha is also doing long division in M4. "She can't be that old then, Mom." quoth William. Couldnt quite bring myself to break it to him that there is still a tougher level & even more variations than what he's mastered. He'll find out soon enough.)

I've set aside my GBA Mario & Luigi rpg (so that there will still be fresh areas when I play it in the hospital) & picked up Paper Mario:TYD in its stead. My kids are way ahead of me on that one and very much enjoyed giving me hints. Tom chimed in occasionally too but last night my better half was mostly into (re) playing Katamari Damacy. He's beaten the whole game several times and is now seeing how many worlds can he win so thoroughly that he gets the 'eternal' setting ~ this allows the rest of us to play it without a time limit. I tried one of these he'd unlocked last night & agreed that it was much more relaxing that way.

Tom saw his Urologist yesterday. Turned out that Monday's ordeal was worth it. The good news: they finally found the other problem! The bad news: they finally found another problem...and its so unusual, the doctor has asked leave to contact the teaching colleges about it & wants to be present when it is treated. This may result in better conditions for the next go round of surgery, which is now a definite. Tom's stomach may even make the medical history books. whee! I always told him he'd be famous for something. (This got a pillow tossed in my direction with precise aim. Gee. what did I say? ;) Better news is that, for the interim, tests are over & Tom is on medication that should help him feel bit better again.

I hope this procedure does it for Tom & he is finally better afterward. Hopefully he will be. I definitely will be looking into asking people to pray for him, especially closer to the event. I am a little cheered to hear the little frogs singing today & to know solid plans are at last being made. It won't turn today, but much better weather may be on the way soon.

Meantime, here's a really cute picture of a frog

heh